so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
