please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
