I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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