i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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