enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
