i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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