Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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