His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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