i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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