you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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