you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
