Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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