He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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