the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize