im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
