Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
