hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
