Got a toothbrush?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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