now i know why i became what i already was.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize