I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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