Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
