The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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