awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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