how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
