I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
