i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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