Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
