i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
