i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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