best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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