winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
