I wanna passion pit in your ass
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
