I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
