I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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