is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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