If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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