Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just want nice things and good sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
