their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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