Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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