so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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