I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
