worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize