4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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