As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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