last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
