No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
