Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
