I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
