I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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