so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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