then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
