the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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