you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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