He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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