I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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