I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
