Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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