Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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