I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
