A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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