I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
