No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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