Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And then he peed in my hair
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