you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
