he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
