maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
