Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
