my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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