I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so let's talk penis.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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