I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
