i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
