The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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