I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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